


Black, Blue, and Red

by kingbeezelbub



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dick in denial, F/M, Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, cracktober, poor Tim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingbeezelbub/pseuds/kingbeezelbub
Summary: The bat bros have a crisis on their hands...





	Black, Blue, and Red

“No.”

 

Dick looked at his younger brother. “Timmy, come on, it’s not- not that bad. We can just have to learn to deal with her being-“

 

“I don’t want to live in a world where Harley Quinn is our mother, Dick!” Tim’s voice went slightly up an octave as he balled his hands into fists, his form shivering. “I-I don’t want to live in the manor where her damn hyenas run around and poop on the floor! It’s bad enough Damian has his zoo!”

 

“We can’t just ask her to leave, Tim.” Dick gave him a sad look. “We just got to accept her in our lives now.”  
Tim just shook his head. “I’ve seen many things, things that no normal person should have to deal with, but this is where I draw the line.” He placed his hands onto his ears, a haunted look on his face. “I’ve seen Bruce having sex with Harley. And I cannot unsee it.”

 

“What?” Dick asked, gaping.

 

“It was last night, and I was working on a case. I was going to the bathroom, and heard noises. I went to investigate. The door to Bruce’s bedroom was slightly open and I took a peek, and what I saw… Oh, god!” The third Robin let out a moaning whimper.

 

“Tim-“

 

“Drive me batty, big boy~!” Tim spoke in a high-pitched voice, then let out a groan. “That’s it for me, Dick. I can’t live with her anymore. I can’t.”

 

“You got that right, Replacement.” Jason entered the room, munching on a sandwich. “Honestly, I think our lives have become so fucked up, having the crazy blonde as B’s girlfriend isn’t surprising.”

 

“Are you serious?! Damian threw a fit when he found out! It was chaos!” Tim threw his hands up in exasperation. “I can never unhear Harley laughing her ass off!”

 

“Aw, quit your whining, Timbo.” Jason leaned around the doorframe and snorted. “You get to deal with her. I get her damn calls every other damn day.”

 

Dick frowned at both of his brothers. “For god’s sake, guys. It’s not that bad! Just give her a chance!”

 

“Ok, I’m totally convinced she put something in your drink, Dickie. Because I think you’re losing it.” Jason eyed his older brother warily.

 

“That makes sense.” Tim nodded.

 

“You guys don’t see Cass being hostile towards her!” Dick exclaimed.

 

“Personally, I think she’s biding her time when Quinn finally snaps and she’s ready to put her down.” Tim sniffed, raising a brow.

 

“And Babs and Blondie are taking this shit in stride.” Jason added.

 

“Good for them! We need to follow their example-“ Dick was suddenly cut off when there was a loud noise coming from outside.

 

“YOU RED AND BLUE STRUMPET! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Damian howled loudly.

 

“C’mon, lil birdie! Give Mama Harley a hug!” The blonde’s obnoxious voice rang out.

 

Tim and Jason stood there in absolute silence, then turned to leave.

 

“Guys, where are you going?!” Dick demanded.

 

“Out.” Jason spoke.

 

“I’m going back to the Titans Tower. The others might need me.” Tim spoke robotically.

 

“GUYS!”

 

Loud crashes kept echoing outside. “TOUCH ME AND DIE!” Damian’s voice screamed out.

 

“Aww, I love you too, pun’kin!” Harley squealed.

 

Dick just sighed and shook his head. This wasn’t going to be easy…


End file.
